I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Just pee around me
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
