you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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