where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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