I want to walk on stilts...naked
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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