Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Boobs speak an international language.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
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