So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
