I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
