My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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