i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
