dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
