Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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