does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
