As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
