Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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