so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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