He is an equal opportunity slut.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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