My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
