If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
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