The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Is Oprah even human
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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