I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize