i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
