Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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