Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
