I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
