I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
