I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
