dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
