You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
We had sex on a dog bed..
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
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