I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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