Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
