Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Randomize
