Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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