I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
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I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
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I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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