My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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