I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
