So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
