I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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