Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Randomize