I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
two words...techno handjob
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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