You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Randomize
