What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
