I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
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