his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
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