The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
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