if i can run in heels then i can drive
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
