he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
