remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
