she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
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