I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize