I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
