ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
