Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize