I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
