Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
