Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Randomize
