"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
third nipple confirmed
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
