I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
