somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
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Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
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Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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