I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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