relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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