So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
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Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
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Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
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