he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
