direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
