Where did you get a picture of my penis
I faked an abortion last night.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
