All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
