I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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